Canada report # 14

One thing that I find disturbing in Canada is the way toilets work.
Firth of all there is no doors. You just walk in and do your thing without even closing the doors behind you. It does make sense in a way that one might not want to touch a handle that was touched by many other people who might not believe in soap and water. But what about me feeling save from the attack of the ladies walking in?
Secondly every time I walk in to the bathroom I feel like in the museum of the inventions of the century. Every time I need to figure out how does this sink works, how do I get soap out of the thingy and how do I make towel appear from the box. I do not mind technology, but there are so many different kinds of it that simple visit to John makes me very nervous and anxious.

Canadians know how to use bathroom with style.

JONES KNOWS WHAT IT IS TALKONG ABOUT

Today I had a bad day, and after I was done with my work I just collapse and had no energy to do anything. So I took from the fridge bottle of Jones and started to drink it lying on the couch. I was thinking that I wish it would be end of December already. Then I looked at the cap, you know how they have funny things written in them (almost like fortune cookie). Mine said, “Energy will abound next month.”
Sorry for not having some fun Canada reports, but hopefully “Energy will abound next month.”

P.S. And Mara No it is not an advertisement for Jones

People are funny

I was thinking today, how people are weird in some ways. For example they like the front of the car, the middle of the rode but the end of the church.

This is what I think about tea

I think that it is one of the best inventions on the world. If going to heaven would be a matter of deserving it, he who ever came up with idea of putting leaves in hot water would defiantly deserve to go there. I wonder if it is still possible for any of as to discover something that will change a world just like invention of tea. And I also wonder if tea inventor knew what a great deal it was. And I also wonder if someday we will be able to jump in to time machine and go back to thank him (actually I do not wonder about that).
Anyhow – guys try to enjoy today and may be something like tea will help you to do that.

HAVE A GRAT DAY!

Canada report # 13

Mystery of Dominant Species

Humans only seem to be governing species of the planet Canada. Closer observations and studies of your faithful Foreign_guy show that it is not exactly accurate. If you notice people on busses, trains, cars and even on the streets have some sort of tails sticking out of their ears. Canadians in their ignorance believe that it is headphones, but I know that in reality brains of thousands Canadians are infected with another alien species – called Brainboomingmusicworm,

Top 5 ways to avoid infestation

5. Do not leave the house and lock yourself in the toilet

4. If you do need to leave take a friend along and talk to him

3. Read the book while you are close to other infected people

2. Under no circumstances start conversation about favorite style of music

1. And never, never, never let Brainboomingmusicworm come close to you hearing organ

Protect your planet do not get infected!

Canada report # 12

Bagel – the best thing I tried in Canada!
Toasted with cream cheese they are the best thing first thing in the morning. For those of you who do not know what it is - on our planet we would refer to it as soft baranka, only here it is bigger and way better. Not many Canadians know that this is Jewish invention (as many other great things in this world). But guys think about this little delicious miracle; isn’t it great that we have little things like that in our life.

LIFE IS GOOD!!!!

Canada report # 11

This morning on the bus I noticed an advertisement that was very though provoking. It was one of those dating agencies. It said some thing like, “Meet someone your friends haven’t dated.” It almost seems that in North America (and it could be in western culture in general) people are dating not for the reason to find The One companion of life.
On one TV show dad said to his son, “She is ok for the starter girlfriend.” It seems to me that Canadians are afraid of commitment or could it have something to do with desire to receive in stead of giving? “As long as she gives me what I need we will be together” – kind of thinking.

Canada report # 10

Canadian politics – I don’t know much about it, but this morning I was almost laughing out loud.
They want to get rid of liberals in the government, but the problem they have about it is, guess what. It is Christmas shopping time, which is not a good time for political events. They were talking about how they should let the government that they do not trust and do not like still rule over them just so that their Christmas shopping and party time would be more fun.
Good time to be a jerk in charge, don’t you think so? But as I told you before I do not know much about politics of Canada.

Being an alien is fun!

Being an alien is fun. You have an excuse to ask stupid question and people will not question you sanity. When people look at me weird I just mumble something like, “It’s a language barrier!” or “How do I know how you Canadians do that?”

But at the same time it gives interesting inside in to things. It is fun to hear Canadians try to explain things like vegetable dip, green bananas, red poppies, lack of interest in international news, fascination with royal family and goofy behavior of Quebec.

Yes it is fun to be an alien, and space ship helps to pick up a dates not speaking about the accent of cause.

Canada report # 9

There are interesting relationship going on between Canadians and Americans. It is almost like marriage – they live together, share resources, but at the same time they do not, they love each other, but also say dreadful things about each other. There is something funny going on there, but I should examine it more later, but for now, this is the fragment of the letter that one of my good friends (American) wrote me a couple of days ago.

Dude! I read your blog and yes canadians suck. Everyone knows that, stop telling everyone crap we already know; only joking. Any way ….

P.S. My dear Canadian friends – does any of the things that I said in this blog was ever offensive?

Canada report # 8

Canadians are stepping over the line!
Food is something that one should never mess with, but those Canadians do.
Last night my friend and I were talking about food and out of no were “lets go for breakfast” idea came up. 10:30 PM ?????
Canada – country were they serve breakfast 24/7

Canada report # 7

What’s with all the vinegar?

They put it on practically everything. Vinegar chips, vinegar crackers, vinegar with ham vinegar with beef even VINEGAR CANDY.

Today when I was buying can of sardines in the Safeway one man in the line behind me said, “Are you gone eat your sardines with salt and vinegar, because this is how I like them the most.”

Vinegar is just pure acid (In my world at least), but

Canadians sure like it.

Canada report # 6

One thing that I noticed that has changed in me since I came to Canada is this pressure that I am feeling. (By the way just now one of my fiends came or flew in to the room covered in blanket and whisper in spooky voice, “I am a vampire, and you do not see me!” I love that guy!) Anyway back to the point. I am feeling the pressure to get a good job, to get a car, to get a degree to earn a lot of money. I did not want these things before, but now I feel that I should. Canadians talk about they future more than people in my country, and when they talk about that they talk about stuff they could have and do for fun. I am getting less and less interested in things I could do for God or what kind of ministry I could do, I am more and more concerned about the ways I can secure my future and the ways I could get out of it. I do not like that at all.
But on the other hand it is not that bad at all. If you have more tangible goals you are going for it is easier actually reach them. People who know what they want will get what they work for.
Canadians – People with goals that sometimes turn into stuff.

Canada report # 5

I have a problem with Canadians
You get to know one of them and start spending time with that person, and In my mind it is, "Hey, we will be a good friends!" But then latter out of no where that person does or says something that sounds to me like, "Hey, I was just being polite and have no intention to be your fiend." It is easier to read people in Eastern Europe, because people are colder to you unless they really want to be your friends. I do not know when can I trust people for friendship. How do you people do that? How do you know that this person really wants to be your friend but not just wants to be friendly? I am confused. Or may be I am expecting too much? Yes this is what is on my mind lately. I guess that means that I am starting to feel lonely or something.

Canadians - people it is great to be friends with

P.S. Things that I said here are not about all of you. Some of you are just great friends and I love you guys.

I give up…

Do you know what is the biggest difference between you and God?
God does not think that he is you.

I had a dream

This is how it goes; my two great friends and I are working one night very late. But we have tickets to concert or play that night, but I being an idiot start fooling around and out of nowhere decided to burn these tickets. Nevertheless, once I am done I feel so bad about that. But my friend is mad about that, he is so determined to go to concert anyway. Then he says that he is gone buy tickets to all three of us again. I am trying to talk him out of that, but he is not giving up. Than I make a point that we need to work tonight and just leaving work would not be such a great idea, but he insist that we should close this thing (whatever work was I do not remember) and just go. And that we do. [then I have a blank] After the concert I am in trouble from my boss from leaving the job.

Dream interpreters – let me know what is the diagnose